By Sally Cross, Therapeutic Life & Relationship Coach at Natural Change Coaching.
Showing kindness to others is a very admirable part of being a human being, yet there is such a thing as being "too nice." While kindness can forge connections and build friendships, excessive giving can lead to negative consequences for your own emotional and mental health. This post dives into the fine line between genuine kindness and self-neglect.
Double-Edged Sword of Kindness
Kindness is a quality most people appreciate, it serves to unite us and makes individuals feel valued. However, this quality can backfire, when kindness turns into self-neglect, it can lead to stress, emotional burnout and resentment.
Consider a scenario where an individual frequently prioritises others' needs over their own. For example, someone might always accept requests of help, to always offer to help with tasks, be there for everyone, even when they are already overwhelmed with their own responsibilities. The inability to say 'no' to requests may be rooted in the fear of disappointing others.
This pattern of behaviour can lead to stress, emotional burnout and resentment. Instead of feeling joy in giving, it morphs into a burden, leaving individuals feeling taken advantage of. Those who overextend their kindness and time often experience feeling overwhelmed by their responsibilities.
Spotting the Unkindness to Self
Recognising when your constant kindness crosses the line into unkindness to self: Common signs include always saying "yes" to requests, invitations, social gatherings, even when you are already feeling stretched and don't have the spare time. Saying 'yes' when you know in your mind you want to say 'no'. Finding yourself feeling guilty for wanting to prioritise your own needs and responsibilities before others. This pattern can lead to feelings of exhaustion or resentment, as your desire to be kind may lead to neglecting your own well-being.
Additionally, if you often hide your feelings to make others feel comfortable, you may be allowing your kindness to be taken for granted. Selflessness is commendable, but sacrificing your health and happiness is not sustainable and can lead to stress-related health issues or burnout.
Self-Care
Self-care is a healthy practice for maintaining emotional and mental well-being. Consider prioritising your own needs over the needs of others, by turning that kindness toward yourself.
What does self-care look like for you? It may be spending time on hobbies, reading, listening to music, a leisurely walk, a bike ride. Dedicating time to activities that bring you joy can significantly enhance your well-being. Listen to your body and mind; make time for yourself without feeling guilty.
When you integrate self-care into your routine, you not only safeguard your mental health but also position yourself in a stronger position to help others more effectively. Remember the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
Authentic Kindness
To build authentic relationships, embracing a balanced approach to kindness is the way forwards. While being kind is commendable, recognising your own needs is an essential aspect of this balance.
Authentic kindness requires self-respect. It's about understanding your worth and establishing boundaries that cultivate healthy genuine relationships, both with yourself and those around you.
The Balance
Finding the sweet spot between kindness and self-preservation is good for everyone. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being kind; it is fundamental to human connection. But achieving balance is the key to ensuring that kindness does not lead to your own emotional instability or self-neglect.
Engaging in self-care, establishing clear boundaries and avoid giving pieces of yourself away without self-restoration helps keep your life in balance. You're then able to be genuinely kind to others which in turn will bring joy to you, without the resentment.
Need help in self-kindness, self-care ideas, learning to say 'no' without guilt?
Consider my Therapeutic Life Coaching..
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