By Sally Cross, Therapeutic Life & Relationship Coach at Natural Change Coaching.
Are you always worried about other people's opinions of you? Do you often go out of your way to make sure everyone is happy, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness? If so, you're not alone. People-pleasing is a common issue that affects many. While it may seem harmless or even admirable to put others first, this behaviour can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of your true self.
Understanding People-Pleasing
People-pleasing typically arises from a strong need for validation and acceptance. Many people are driven by fears of rejection, abandonment or conflict, causing them to prioritise others' needs above their own. Childhood experiences, social pressures and personality traits can all lead to people-pleasing behaviour.
The Impact of People-Pleasing
Living as a people-pleaser can have serious consequences. Constantly trying to meet others' expectations can drain your energy and mental health. A study from Psychology Today found that 70% of people who engage in chronic people-pleasing often experience high levels of stress and anxiety. Moreover, this behaviour can blur your core values and desires, making you feel like your life is dictated by others.
Breaking the habit of people-pleasing can enable you to pursue what truly matters to you, become your real self and lead a more genuine life.
Ways to Break Free
Recognise Your Triggers
The initial step in overcoming people-pleasing is to identify what prompts this behaviour. Is it a specific person or situation that makes you feel obligated to please? For example, if you often feel the need to agree with a dominant family member to avoid conflict, pinpoint that moment. Once you recognise these triggers, you can address them directly.
Set Boundaries
Establishing healthy boundaries is essential to stopping people-pleasing. Knowing your limits lets you say no more easily. Start with small boundaries, like opting out of a social event that you’re not interested in, and practice clearly communicating these limits to others. A high percentage of adults find it challenging to set boundaries, but doing so can lead to improved well-being.
Prioritise Self-Care
Self-care is essential, not selfish. Engage in activities that refresh your spirit, whether that’s reading a book, going for a walk, or pursuing a hobby. For instance, taking as little as 15 minutes a day to enjoy a quiet moment can help recharge your energy and mood. The more you prioritise self-care, the more you'll rediscover your sense of self and purpose.
The Power of "No"
Saying "no" is a skill that takes practice. It can be tough, especially if you’re accustomed to pleasing others, always saying "yes". Start with small steps, like declining a social invitation that conflicts with your planned schedule. With each instance you say "no", you're choosing to honour your own needs, which is a significant step towards self-empowerment.
Seek Support
If you're finding it difficult to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing, consider reaching out to a professional; a Therapeutic or Life coach, counsellor or psychotherapist. They can offer guidance, support, insights and hold you accountable, as you work to change your behaviour. Research shows that people who have support systems in place are more likely to follow through with personal goals.
Embrace Your Freedom
Breaking free from people-pleasing takes time, but it is a rewarding journey. By understanding the roots of your behaviour and applying the above ideas, you can reclaim your time, energy and authenticity.
As you take this journey, remember that prioritising your own needs and desires is not only acceptable, it is essential. You deserve to lead a life that reflects who you truly are!
For caring help, guidance, support and embracing empowerment, please feel free to contact me:
Sally Cross, Therapeutic Life & Relationship Coach
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